The power of introverts | Susan Cain

The power of introverts | Susan Cain


When I was nine years old, I went off to summer camp
for the first time. And my mother packed me a suitcase
full of books, which to me seemed like
a perfectly natural thing to do. Because in my family,
reading was the primary group activity. And this might sound antisocial to you, but for us it was really just
a different way of being social. You have the animal warmth of your family
sitting right next to you, but you are also free to go
roaming around the adventureland inside your own mind. And I had this idea that camp was going to be
just like this, but better. (Laughter) I had a vision of 10 girls
sitting in a cabin cozily reading books
in their matching nightgowns. (Laughter) Camp was more like a keg party
without any alcohol. And on the very first day, our counselor gathered us all together and she taught us a cheer
that she said we would be doing every day for the rest of the summer
to instill camp spirit. And it went like this: “R-O-W-D-I-E, that’s the way we spell rowdie. Rowdie, rowdie, let’s get rowdie.” (Laughter) Yeah. So I couldn’t figure out
for the life of me why we were supposed to be so rowdy, or why we had to spell
this word incorrectly. (Laughter) But I recited a cheer. I recited
a cheer along with everybody else. I did my best. And I just waited for the time
that I could go off and read my books. But the first time that I took
my book out of my suitcase, the coolest girl in the bunk came up to me and she asked me, “Why
are you being so mellow?” — mellow, of course,
being the exact opposite of R-O-W-D-I-E. And then the second time I tried it, the counselor came up to me
with a concerned expression on her face and she repeated the point
about camp spirit and said we should all work very hard
to be outgoing. And so I put my books away, back in their suitcase, and I put them under my bed, and there they stayed
for the rest of the summer. And I felt kind of guilty about this. I felt as if the books needed me somehow, and they were calling out to me
and I was forsaking them. But I did forsake them
and I didn’t open that suitcase again until I was back home with my family
at the end of the summer. Now, I tell you this story
about summer camp. I could have told you
50 others just like it — all the times that I got the message that somehow my quiet
and introverted style of being was not necessarily the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass
as more of an extrovert. And I always sensed deep down
that this was wrong and that introverts were
pretty excellent just as they were. But for years I denied this intuition, and so I became a Wall Street
lawyer, of all things, instead of the writer
that I had always longed to be — partly because I needed to prove to myself
that I could be bold and assertive too. And I was always going off to crowded bars when I really would have preferred
to just have a nice dinner with friends. And I made these
self-negating choices so reflexively, that I wasn’t even aware
that I was making them. Now this is what many introverts do, and it’s our loss for sure, but it is also our colleagues’ loss and our communities’ loss. And at the risk of sounding grandiose,
it is the world’s loss. Because when it comes
to creativity and to leadership, we need introverts doing
what they do best. A third to a half of the population
are introverts — a third to a half. So that’s one out of every two
or three people you know. So even if you’re an extrovert yourself, I’m talking about your coworkers and your spouses and your children and the person sitting
next to you right now — all of them subject to this bias that is pretty deep
and real in our society. We all internalize it
from a very early age without even having a language
for what we’re doing. Now, to see the bias clearly, you need to understand
what introversion is. It’s different from being shy. Shyness is about fear of social judgment. Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation. So extroverts really crave
large amounts of stimulation, whereas introverts feel
at their most alive and their most switched-on
and their most capable when they’re in quieter,
more low-key environments. Not all the time —
these things aren’t absolute — but a lot of the time. So the key then to maximizing our talents is for us all to put ourselves in the zone of stimulation
that is right for us. But now here’s where the bias comes in. Our most important institutions, our schools and our workplaces, they are designed mostly for extroverts and for extroverts’ need
for lots of stimulation. And also we have
this belief system right now that I call the new groupthink, which holds that all creativity
and all productivity comes from a very oddly gregarious place. So if you picture the typical
classroom nowadays: When I was going to school,
we sat in rows. We sat in rows of desks like this, and we did most of our work
pretty autonomously. But nowadays, your typical classroom
has pods of desks — four or five or six or seven kids
all facing each other. And kids are working
in countless group assignments. Even in subjects like math
and creative writing, which you think would depend
on solo flights of thought, kids are now expected to act
as committee members. And for the kids who prefer to go off
by themselves or just to work alone, those kids are seen as outliers often or, worse, as problem cases. And the vast majority of teachers reports believing that
the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed to an introvert, even though introverts
actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable, according to research. (Laughter) Okay, same thing is true
in our workplaces. Now, most of us work in open plan offices, without walls, where we are subject to the constant
noise and gaze of our coworkers. And when it comes to leadership, introverts are routinely passed over
for leadership positions, even though introverts
tend to be very careful, much less likely to take outsize risks — which is something
we might all favor nowadays. And interesting research
by Adam Grant at the Wharton School has found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes
than extroverts do, because when they are managing
proactive employees, they’re much more likely to let
those employees run with their ideas, whereas an extrovert
can, quite unwittingly, get so excited about things that they’re putting
their own stamp on things, and other people’s ideas might not
as easily then bubble up to the surface. Now in fact, some of our transformative
leaders in history have been introverts. I’ll give you some examples. Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi — all these people described themselves
as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy. And they all took the spotlight, even though every bone in their bodies
was telling them not to. And this turns out to have
a special power all its own, because people could feel
that these leaders were at the helm not because they enjoyed directing others and not out of the pleasure
of being looked at; they were there
because they had no choice, because they were driven to do
what they thought was right. Now I think at this point
it’s important for me to say that I actually love extroverts. I always like to say some of my best
friends are extroverts, including my beloved husband. And we all fall
at different points, of course, along the introvert/extrovert spectrum. Even Carl Jung, the psychologist
who first popularized these terms, said that there’s no such thing
as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. He said that such a man
would be in a lunatic asylum, if he existed at all. And some people fall smack in the middle
of the introvert/extrovert spectrum, and we call these people ambiverts. And I often think that they have
the best of all worlds. But many of us do recognize
ourselves as one type or the other. And what I’m saying is that culturally,
we need a much better balance. We need more of a yin and yang
between these two types. This is especially important when it comes to creativity
and to productivity, because when psychologists look
at the lives of the most creative people, what they find are people who are very good
at exchanging ideas and advancing ideas, but who also have a serious
streak of introversion in them. And this is because solitude is a crucial ingredient
often to creativity. So Darwin, he took long walks alone in the woods and emphatically turned down
dinner-party invitations. Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, he dreamed up many
of his amazing creations in a lonely bell tower office that he had in the back of his house
in La Jolla, California. And he was actually afraid to meet
the young children who read his books for fear that they were expecting him
this kind of jolly Santa Claus-like figure and would be disappointed
with his more reserved persona. Steve Wozniak invented
the first Apple computer sitting alone in his cubicle
in Hewlett-Packard where he was working at the time. And he says that he never would have
become such an expert in the first place had he not been too introverted
to leave the house when he was growing up. Now, of course, this does not mean that we should
all stop collaborating — and case in point, is Steve Wozniak
famously coming together with Steve Jobs to start Apple Computer — but it does mean that solitude matters and that for some people
it is the air that they breathe. And in fact, we have known for centuries
about the transcendent power of solitude. It’s only recently that
we’ve strangely begun to forget it. If you look at most
of the world’s major religions, you will find seekers — Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad — seekers who are going off by themselves
alone to the wilderness, where they then have profound
epiphanies and revelations that they then bring back
to the rest of the community. So, no wilderness, no revelations. This is no surprise, though, if you look at the insights
of contemporary psychology. It turns out that we can’t
even be in a group of people without instinctively mirroring,
mimicking their opinions. Even about seemingly
personal and visceral things like who you’re attracted to, you will start aping the beliefs
of the people around you without even realizing
that that’s what you’re doing. And groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant
or charismatic person in the room, even though there’s zero correlation between being the best talker
and having the best ideas — I mean zero. So — (Laughter) You might be following the person
with the best ideas, but you might not. And do you really want
to leave it up to chance? Much better for everybody
to go off by themselves, generate their own ideas freed from the distortions
of group dynamics, and then come together as a team to talk them through
in a well-managed environment and take it from there. Now if all this is true, then why are we getting it so wrong? Why are we setting up our schools
this way, and our workplaces? And why are we making
these introverts feel so guilty about wanting to just go off
by themselves some of the time? One answer lies deep
in our cultural history. Western societies, and in particular the U.S., have always favored the man of action
over the “man” of contemplation. But in America’s early days, we lived in what historians
call a culture of character, where we still,
at that point, valued people for their inner selves
and their moral rectitude. And if you look at the self-help
books from this era, they all had titles with things like “Character, the Grandest
Thing in the World.” And they featured role models
like Abraham Lincoln, who was praised for being
modest and unassuming. Ralph Waldo Emerson called him “A man who does not
offend by superiority.” But then we hit the 20th century, and we entered a new culture that historians call
the culture of personality. What happened is we had evolved
an agricultural economy to a world of big business. And so suddenly people are moving
from small towns to the cities. And instead of working alongside people
they’ve known all their lives, now they are having to prove themselves
in a crowd of strangers. So, quite understandably, qualities like magnetism and charisma
suddenly come to seem really important. And sure enough, the self-help books
change to meet these new needs and they start to have names like “How to Win Friends
and Influence People.” And they feature as their role models
really great salesmen. So that’s the world we’re living in today. That’s our cultural inheritance. Now none of this is to say
that social skills are unimportant, and I’m also not calling
for the abolishing of teamwork at all. The same religions who send their sages
off to lonely mountain tops also teach us love and trust. And the problems that we are facing today in fields like science and in economics are so vast and so complex that we are going to need armies
of people coming together to solve them working together. But I am saying that the more freedom
that we give introverts to be themselves, the more likely that they are to come up with their own unique
solutions to these problems. So now I’d like to share with you
what’s in my suitcase today. Guess what? Books. I have a suitcase full of books. Here’s Margaret Atwood, “Cat’s Eye.” Here’s a novel by Milan Kundera. And here’s “The Guide for the Perplexed”
by Maimonides. But these are not exactly my books. I brought these books with me because they were written
by my grandfather’s favorite authors. My grandfather was a rabbi and he was a widower who lived alone in a small
apartment in Brooklyn that was my favorite place
in the world when I was growing up, partly because it was filled with
his very gentle, very courtly presence and partly because
it was filled with books. I mean literally every table,
every chair in this apartment had yielded its original function to now serve as a surface
for swaying stacks of books. Just like the rest of my family, my grandfather’s favorite thing to do
in the whole world was to read. But he also loved his congregation, and you could feel this love
in the sermons that he gave every week for the 62 years
that he was a rabbi. He would takes the fruits
of each week’s reading and he would weave these intricate tapestries
of ancient and humanist thought. And people would come from all over
to hear him speak. But here’s the thing about my grandfather. Underneath this ceremonial role, he was really modest
and really introverted — so much so that when
he delivered these sermons, he had trouble making eye contact with the very same congregation
that he had been speaking to for 62 years. And even away from the podium, when you called him to say hello, he would often end
the conversation prematurely for fear that he was taking up
too much of your time. But when he died at the age of 94, the police had to close down
the streets of his neighborhood to accommodate the crowd of people
who came out to mourn him. And so these days I try to learn
from my grandfather’s example in my own way. So I just published a book
about introversion, and it took me about seven years to write. And for me, that seven years
was like total bliss, because I was reading, I was writing, I was thinking, I was researching. It was my version of my grandfather’s hours
of the day alone in his library. But now all of a sudden
my job is very different, and my job is to be
out here talking about it, talking about introversion. (Laughter) And that’s a lot harder for me, because as honored as I am
to be here with all of you right now, this is not my natural milieu. So I prepared for moments
like these as best I could. I spent the last year
practicing public speaking every chance I could get. And I call this my “year
of speaking dangerously.” (Laughter) And that actually helped a lot. But I’ll tell you, what helps even more is my sense, my belief, my hope
that when it comes to our attitudes to introversion and to quiet
and to solitude, we truly are poised on the brink
on dramatic change. I mean, we are. And so I am going to leave you now with three calls for action
for those who share this vision. Number one: Stop the madness for constant group work. Just stop it. (Laughter) Thank you. (Applause) And I want to be clear
about what I’m saying, because I deeply believe our offices should be encouraging casual, chatty
cafe-style types of interactions — you know, the kind
where people come together and serendipitously have
an exchange of ideas. That is great. It’s great for introverts
and it’s great for extroverts. But we need much more privacy
and much more freedom and much more autonomy at work. School, same thing. We need to be teaching kids
to work together, for sure, but we also need to be teaching them
how to work on their own. This is especially important
for extroverted children too. They need to work on their own because that is where deep thought
comes from in part. Okay, number two: Go to the wilderness. Be like Buddha, have your own revelations. I’m not saying that we all have to now go off and build
our own cabins in the woods and never talk to each other again, but I am saying that we could
all stand to unplug and get inside our own heads
a little more often. Number three: Take a good look
at what’s inside your own suitcase and why you put it there. So extroverts, maybe your suitcases
are also full of books. Or maybe they’re full of champagne glasses
or skydiving equipment. Whatever it is, I hope you take
these things out every chance you get and grace us with your energy
and your joy. But introverts, you being you, you probably have the impulse
to guard very carefully what’s inside your own suitcase. And that’s okay. But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you will open up your suitcases
for other people to see, because the world needs you and it
needs the things you carry. So I wish you the best
of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly. Thank you very much. (Applause) Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)

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    Vibolea Sovathpich

    In the group project, it is supposed to be cooperative and do the job quickly. But actually, it is a lousy, joky, and waste of time. So, I prefer to work alone and the work done right away.

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    reese Aberle

    The simple reason I was never promoted to a managerial position was because my former boss felt I wasn't "personable" enough-translated, I wasn't a chatty Cathy. I took early retirement rather than take the time to explain to him why an introvert would make a good boss. All my life, people have labeled my as quite and shy and it would really upset me. As I've gotten older, I've come to fully embrace the fact that I am who I am and don't feel the need to be more outgoing or more talkative to meet someone's expectations.

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    sariahsue

    I recently saw a psychologist's webpage, saying that one of the end goals of therapy with them would be the patient would become more extraverted. Introversion is not a mental illness, and a psychologist – of all people – should know that.

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    The Dark Knight

    19 minutes of lecture is a lot of WASTED TIME AND ENERGY.

    How about 5 minutes?

    If you can't say it in 5 minutes then maybe you should think about how you spend your energy.

    And NO you are not "engaging" the audience with a boring talk.

    Just look at them.

    They have almost fallen asleep.

    You need to capture their attention from FIRST WORD!

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    TheTrollgubbe

    What about antisocial introverts ? Some of us introverts are not particularly creative, we just want to be left alone.

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    lol lol

    I am a extrovert and for some reason this really just pissed me of. Now I known how introverts feel when I go ''umm your wierd'' No but seriously I feel there is no such thing like extrovert and introvert just different people like in my school there is a girl who read over 14 million words on this app I don't even have 12 words and she has 14 million. I don't understand how you can be lonely and enjoy it me 4 minutes with no communication I'm done. Although I'm a extrovert I don't like to be around a lot of people but seriously when she said introvert have been scientificly been proven to be smarter it just triggers me you know scientist also said whites are smarter than black bullshit.

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    RobinThe Wolf

    Me: Stays in room reading, drawing, listening to podcasts, and petting cats.
    My mom: Come downstairs! Everyone is here!
    My family: “Why are you so quiet?”
    Also my mom: “Why do hate your (extended) family?”

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    HSM

    She was talking to a room Of mostly introverts ,when the people that need to know this are skydiving or talking loudly about the Kardashians and doing shots at the bar..☺️

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    Jessica Black

    Growing up I always thought that something was wrong with me.. i didn´t like group projects, talking in front of people, parties, loud people… My classmates made it seem like they are normal and cool, and i am not, because i am too shy to do these things.. I am not too shy, I just don´t want to do a lot of things they couldn´t live without. BUT sometimes, I do like to go to a party.. like once in a year.. maybe?

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    chris

    To go out and listen to loud mouthed idiots who talk about how great they are or the drama they bring and the mindless interactions to me is a waste of time i dont care about what you have its boring and exhausting id perfer real conversation not this ego driven self absorbed crap its everywhere example of people like the kardiashians and what not

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    AHB Analytics

    It’s 2019, I’m in college as a junior that’s been a lifelong high achieving introvert. Most of my classes are analytics based as a business major, and 4/5 of my classes are constant group projects. Nothing has changed, and the further you go down the line the more extroverts are valued while the most fascinating ideas are coming from the introverts I’m involved with once we tune out the noise of the mindless groupthink. To all my fellow introverts in school: Do what you do best, observe, connect with those you notice doing the same for group work and build projects and relationships with them. The worst thing you can do for yourself is following groupthink, show your originality. Companies hire people that bring new ideas, they don’t hire sheep.

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    chimakalu41

    10:57 Good point on how group dynamics can sometimes stifle creative thinking and prevent lot of viewpoints from coming forward

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    him land

    I live with a roommate who is extrovert. He talk twice on phone every hour and much more. I never can have good conversation with him. Never has any point in his sentence no relevance to topic we talk, just keeps drifting. Then he asks me why I’m silent. And I smile back. 🙂

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    Adam Buentello

    I'm actually an expert in social situations and do extremely well in them…. but I try to limit social situations as much as possible because 1) The more social I am the more "recovery" I need. 2) I'm constantly being invited into social situations by the many acquaintances I have so I know to say "no" "no" "no" as much as possible til I finally give in and say "yes" to the one I see most value in. If I were to say yes even 15% of the time I'd be too drained to function.

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    Tolum lily

    This is what my parents and friends, teachers and everyone who interacts with me should listen!! I am an introvert, I was born one, but I just kinda changed into a loud person that I am rn but what I am is who I am. I CHANGED BECAUSE THE WORLD THINKS OF A LOUD PERSON WHO INTERACTS WITH EVERYONE as A BOLD ONE, AND I DIDN'T WANTED TO BE SEEEN AS A DEPRESSED GIRL. BUT I AM GOOD WITH IT NOW. I'LL BE WHAT I WAS WHEN I DIDN'T KNEW THE RULES FOR THIS WORLD.

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    Christine Brown

    What an inspiring insightful look at our inner worlds and how they conflict or combine or co-exist. I loved this!

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    HoNewerth

    Ok, while many geniuses throughout history were probably introverted, the harsh fact is that being predominantly introverted is mainly not a good thing, at least not for people around them – they are hard to work with, it is hard to be in a romantic relationship with them, they tend to not be very good friends,…
    And this comes from a person who considers himself to be more introverted than extroverted. I mean, those are facts.

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    Sweet Psycho

    I'm now a Tourism student and I'm planning to shift to Psychology. Now, why am I watching Ted Talks? Maybe it could help me and find me answers regarding my confusion in making my decision to shift courses.

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    Heisenberg hates bohr

    For people who misunderstood this, introverts are quiet and shy kind of people, and not the ones with "I don't care" attitude, and those who don't express their emotions……..

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    Sloth Girl

    Well I know being an introvert doesn’t mean being shy and having social anxiety but I have that too and it would mean the world to me if you could write some positive messages cause I can’t stop thinking about how I’m going to be bullied and left out at school

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    Tomato Warrior

    Everytime i don't wanna do something my mom says "Are you agoraphobic or something?" And it's really annoying and I wanna punch her

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    Deja Vu

    I've always felt like the environments I've inhabited hadn't bothered me as long as they were respectful, lacked negativity & judgement. Over the years, I see how I pushed myself from sole introversion to a place where I resented that version of me and strove to be more extroverted. But the more I've come into contact with unsavory tastes, and on top of that, introverts who seemed to reject me for the bubbliness I'd learned to use to make friends (and I won't force my way, in anyway, into anyone life lol), the more I resent the next, extroverted part of myself as well. I remember when it first began, I had fallen into a depression & when it was "over", I didn't feel like myself. I thought about the great friendships I made and how I had begun to act with people and I felt quite fake, to be frank. And not fake at the same time? If that makes sense. And now, I still can't seem to find the balance of contentment.

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    Yeshua is Lord.

    You sure about Jesus? I don't think he learnt anything from the world. He certainly did not go to the wilderness and then come back. He went to quiet places to pray.

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    Brenden Pischke

    "Be yourself" they say but "be assertive"
    Hold your ground, but do not be unkind
    I have sought to be both lamb and lion
    Heartache is the thing I tend to find

    Can I only have what I can capture?
    Will I be unheard unless I shout?
    Clamor overwhelms me and I wonder
    What is there to be so loud about?

    Also for crying out loud swallow and clear your mouth of saliva. The sticky sound of your tongue leaving the sides of your gums and roof of your mouth as you speak is driving me crazy.

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    Jessie Drawz

    The entire time I’m screaming yes yes yes… in my head… because shouting is a lot of work… I’m so glad I bought her book tho.

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    i’M n0t cUTe I’M sEXy

    i relate to this too much. suitcase filled with books everytime i'm on family gathering or school trips but couldn't bring those out because i was told to be more "extrovert"

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    Vaishali .R

    And this is so true it hurts. It's not just in school though. I've had my own mother tell me that she admires other outgoing girls and that she's unlucky because her own daughter is 'boring' and 'lifeless'. I kid you not. she said. Lifeless.
    I would usually be silent, smile and shut myself in my room again. How do you even reply to something like that?
    I've been ashamed and embarrassed about being like this for as long as I can remember. This video helps a lot.
    Thank you Susan Cain.

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    Joshua Stuller

    What a talk! Introverts can talk very well when we're not being quiet. Long cool woman in a black dress (she's very pretty, too).

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    Michael Coddington

    My wife and I read your book Susan. I’m an introvert and she an extrovert. It was a great read, thank you far taking the time to write it!!

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    GrassTasteZBad

    Idk what I am, but when I'm in a class with people I don't know I feel like it is rude to engage in conversations or I may embarrass my self, or maybe I just don't have the confidence.

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    kyle cooper

    i thought i was just weird for not wanting to talk to people. turns out there are so many people that choose to avoid people too, just like me!! i dont see them because theyre avoiding me like im avoiding them haha

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    Dr Beer Games

    The worst part is that extroverts often seem to genuinely not understand introversion. "Why would someone WANT to stay in instead of coming out with us to the bar and drinking until 3am?!?!" "What a loser, he hardly ever goes out" And then at times, concerned… "Damn is he okay?!?! I feel bad, he's just going to hang out alone for hours?? Yikes." That's how I feel my decision is portrayed nearly every time I decide to stay in and be alone (indicated by body language, facial expressions, etc of friends of mine). Every extrovert should watch this talk. Don't make introverts feel bad/lame/uncool/etc for being introverted.

    Also, side note, reading through other comments on this video and… I love my fellow introverts lol

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    Ekaterina Petrova

    I've always been made fun of for being quiet instead of loud obnoxious and all over the place. When I invent something we will see who's gonna laugh

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    Filip Jansson

    I wish school would’ve allowed the introverted me to be myself. I feel like I would’ve been a much better version of myself today.

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    Liza Saakadze

    Stop the group work ! I hated group works at school , lets be honest , it never works. It’s always one kid who does all the work and others take credit.

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    Justin Case

    t seems I am an ambivert as the term really suits my personality. Educationally, I am quite well qualified but struggled badly with dyslexia, so my nights were long and frustrating. Introversion is often caused by failing to be accepted by one's peers, you experience loneliness and you are often the target for bullies, hence, the personality retreats within its self. I often reflect on whether we are the product of ourselves or what we allow people to make us?

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    Ula Ula

    To all the people in the comment section, introversion is not social anxiety. Having no friends, being terrified of public speaking or being afraid of human interactions in general are rather sings of social anxiety NOT introversion. If you are struggling with those, get some help, because it is a mental condition that needs a specific treatment. Don’t go off justifying yourself for your lack of contribution to the society writing down an emotional comment about it for the sake of relatablity. Don’t

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    Maldevius 01

    How about someone who is an introvert,but good at been an extrovert in front of people?(althought it drains me so much to do)

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    Wicked Klown

    I'm a introvert. I've been this way my whole life. Been single for years now and I'm only 38. I just enjoy my time alone mostly.

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    Snicker Bars

    I always felt alone thinking there might not be anyone like me in the world.
    But today I have the courage to say I met my family…..!
    She explained me without seeing me ever …..
    And I thank you for letting me know I am not alone in this world.

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    Gamer frick

    i always thought i was different from every one around me and always trying to fit in. However, it was not until in my late teens that l realize on the concept of introverted and extroverted. It really helped

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    Sarah Malin

    Teachers, just because I am sitting there, silently working and not speaking to anyone, does not mean I am not listening and learning. I had few to no friends in highschool and I was okay with that. I ate lunch alone and I walked the halls alone, which was great. The other students must have thought I was "weird and strange" or maybe even too "stuck up" to socialize with them. No. School should not be a social gathering, but a place to further one's education. I was and am normal, just like everyone else. I just became stressed and tired by socializing. So, I put all my efforts into learning as much as was offered. By avoiding the toxicity most public high schools brought, I had high grades and graduated with honors and doing as little 'group work' as possible. gasp
    Maybe quiet kids aren't sad, disobediant, and stupid if they can get straight A's????
    So teachers, leave me alone. I will pass your tests and you will look better in the school's eyes for higher test scores. I have no need to do math homework with a 2 other people. I do not need to discuss my homework answers. I know what I think and I know what I wrote. Show me what I did wrong and how to improve and I will. Thanks.
    Teachers say they try to cater towards everyone's learning style, unless it is working on one's own.

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