How to speak so that people want to listen | Julian Treasure

How to speak so that people want to listen | Julian Treasure


The human voice: It’s the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound
in the world, probably. It’s the only one that can start a war
or say “I love you.” And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people
don’t listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully
to make change in the world? What I’d like to suggest, there are a number of habits
that we need to move away from. I’ve assembled for your pleasure here
seven deadly sins of speaking. I’m not pretending
this is an exhaustive list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large
habits that we can all fall into. First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody
who’s not present. Not a nice habit,
and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes later,
will be gossiping about us. Second, judging. We know people who are like this
in conversation, and it’s very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you’re being judged
and found wanting at the same time. Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life,
became very negative, and it’s hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her,
“It’s October 1 today,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dreadful?” (Laughter) It’s hard to listen
when somebody’s that negative. (Laughter) And another form
of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It’s our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport,
about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It’s not spreading sunshine
and lightness in the world. Excuses. We’ve all met this guy. Maybe we’ve all been this guy. Some people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility
for their actions, and again, hard to listen
to somebody who is being like that. Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language,
actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something
that really is awesome, what do I call it? (Laughter) And then, of course,
this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don’t want to listen
to people we know are lying to us. And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you’re listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you
with their opinions as if they were true. It’s difficult to listen to that. So here they are, seven deadly
sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive
way to think about this? Yes, there is. I’d like to suggest that there are four
really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make
change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is “hail,” and it has
a great definition as well. I’m not talking about the stuff
that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I’m talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think
our words will be received if we stand on these four things. So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, honesty, of course, being true in what you say,
being straight and clear. The A is authenticity,
just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as
standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don’t mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people
well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty
may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness,
you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that’s not necessary. Tempered with love, of course,
honesty is a great thing. But also, if you’re really
wishing somebody well, it’s very hard to judge
them at the same time. I’m not even sure you can do
those two things simultaneously. So hail. Also, now that’s what you say, and it’s like the old song,
it is what you say, it’s also the way that you say it. You have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox
that very few people have ever opened. I’d like to have a little rummage
in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take
away and play with, which will increase
the power of your speaking. Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not
be very useful most of the time, but there’s a register in between. I’m not going to get very
technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose,
you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us
speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians
with lower voices, it’s true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That’s register. Then we have timbre. It’s the way your voice feels. Again, the research shows that we prefer voices
which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that’s not you,
that’s not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with posture,
and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice. Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It’s root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note
are really quite hard to listen to if they don’t have any prosody at all. That’s where the word
“monotonic” comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have repetitive
prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends
as if it were a question when it’s actually not
a question, it’s a statement? (Laughter) And if you repeat that one, it’s actually restricting your ability
to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let’s try and break that habit. Pace. I can get very excited by saying
something really quickly, or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course,
is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit
of silence in a talk, is there? We don’t have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful. Of course, pitch often
goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but you
can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you
leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning
in those two deliveries. And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited
by using volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention
by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That’s called sodcasting, (Laughter) Imposing your sound on people around you
carelessly and inconsiderately. Not nice. Of course, where this all comes
into play most of all is when you’ve got something
really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this
and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it’s really important, you owe it to yourself
to look at this toolbox and the engine that it’s going to work on, and no engine works well
without being warmed up. Warm up your voice. Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand
up for a moment? I’m going to show you the six vocal warm-up exercises
that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you’re going to talk
to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep breath in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we’re going to warm up our lips, and we’re going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips
should be coming alive. We’re going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You’re getting
really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That’s like champagne for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It’s really good. It starts
with “we” and goes to “aw.” The “we” is high, the “aw” is low. So you go, weeeaawww, weeeaawww. Fantastic. Give yourselves
a round of applause. Take a seat, thank you. (Applause) Next time you speak, do those in advance. Now let me just put this
in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren’t listening in an environment that’s all
about noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage
in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were
actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world
that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding
would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading. Thank you. (Applause)

Comments

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    mike4ty4

    The problem is, from the listening end, what is an "excuse" and what is a call to empathy? When does dismissal based on the thought that what you're hearing is "excuses", become cover for a lack of empathy?

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    Aidan Stewart

    What was the point of this presentation? Poorly organized with information that holds no real value. These are all things that we all know subconsciously are bad and that we try to stay away from. What is the point of reiterating it?

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    Adam Gray

    First. Explain Donald Trump. Second. Explain why you’re not captivating. Hit the books. Do research on oration and listener retention. Then start over.

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    Iqra Nosheen

    only one thing u can do to make people listen u is speak what people want to listen . every one to listen only about themselves

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    Phoebe forever27

    Another great way to get $1265 is it's the perfect way to get that money
    (just go to) >> bigtoolppl.store?/nVgpyG << pretty cool it works! "

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    Plain Man

    Imagine the first attempt to toast the Babe'….. then hands up and start >> ahhhhh, ba,ba,ba,ba,ba,ba , brrrrrrrrrrrrrr, lalalalala, Rrrrrrrrr , weeeeeaaawww…..
    Not Only have i just lost the show but also the love of my life….. mehn"….Am outa here.

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    Siba Zazo

    re-watching it for the forth time probably .. I watched the first time when I was preparing for my ppt in college .. it is just perfect.

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    haedr soleman

    https://www.facebook.com/106540907447275/posts/125940252174007/
    دعم الصفحة/انتصار العقل /فيسبوك

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    Living In Christ

    Or how about not trying to change how you naturally and "Authentically' talk and just "Be Yourself" what he suggests seem to conflict with his HAIL acronym.

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    João Sousa

    Wow!… Maybe he does it really really well, like, I was the whole video kinda feeling we were still in the introduction and then… it ended. It felt like a 2 min video.

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    Jahanzeb Abbasi

    Our Islam teaches all of these , don't backbite, don't lie, don't be proud, speak less and to the point because you will be judged on the day of judgment about your tongue, stay positive and always happy in all situations because God wants you to be in it and you are being examined etc.

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    Cris Rodriguez

    Perfect delivery!!! I normally don’t watch other videos besides music videos 😂but I watched this one from beginning to end ! Got hooked !🙏🏼🔥

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    Stephanie Lane

    Wow, I really enjoyed listening to this most interesting, intelligent and informative talk. You really are a treasure !!

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    Đoàn Văn Linh

    [13-12-2019]
    Cần tránh tật xấu sau :
    – nói xấu người vắng mặt
    – phán xét người nói chuyện với mình
    – sự tiêu cực
    – sự phàn nàn (complain) >< chịu trách nhiệm về mình
    – phóng đại
    – sự giáo điều

    4 điều cần làm: Hail
    – sự trung thực (Honesty) – nói thật, thẳng, rõ ràng
    – nói những gì chính mình đã làm, nói những gì mình tin là thật
    – hãy là lời bạn nói, sống theo điều bạn nói và là người đáng tin
    – tình yêu thương : cầu chúc an lành cho những người khác

    Công cụ
    – nhịp độ : nhanh, chậm, kết hợp sự im lặng
    – cao độ : thể hiện hứng khởi, thái độ
    – cường độ : lớn, nhỏ để mọi người chú ý
    – âm vực : hạ giọng xuống ngực,
    – giọng chầm- ấm, mượt
    – ngữ điệu : tránh đều đều, nhấn nhá
    Làm ấm giọng bạn trước khi nói sự kiện quan trọng
    – giơ tay lên hít thở sâu
    – ba ba ba
    – brrrrrr
    -lưỡi: la, la, la, la
    rrrr
    weaaaw

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    KLaSH

    I stopped listening to you after 45 seconds. Why? Because the people we listen to are the kind of people you just listen to. These rules you are talking about are for children, an adult is already who she or he decided to become. If people aren’t listening to you as an adult it’s already too late unless you can change who you are.

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    Вадим Рахліс

    Persuasion techniques – are quite essential for everybody without any exceptions. Nowadays I higly appreciate my father's and his collegue's lessons of negatiation held for nearly 10 of my peers and me, which helped us to get skills of persuasion, a proper dialogue and positive relationship with our relatives, neighbours, family and acquaintances. In my opinion, ex-participants of this negotiation project don't use these skills in practice on their daily basis. It is definitely bad and I realise that for better or for worse they have to proove their possesion as successful speakers in the 21st century. Nearly 3 years ago there was an open lesson of our group when presenters of newspapers and media of Kyiv were welcomed and they filmed us having written informative articles about so called ,, new and higly improved generation'' that can resolve any conflict or dispute at school, among friends, relatives or family.

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    coolguyhentaisenpai

    hey people can give you all the checklists you want but in the end you still have to identify and figure out when you are doing it yourself in conversations. I'm glad i'm on the right track though, this talk is a good trail marker to know "im on my way from misery to happiness today, uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh"

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    Green White47

    I did those exercises and now I am very happy every one is listening to me…But I don't know why the Doctors are not letting me go..

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    كازيما Kazima_

    افضل شخصص للامانه تعلمنا وعلمنا غيرنا الكثير صراحه 👏🏻👏🏻

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    robmotown1

    Honesty, authenticity,integrity,and love ARE ALL THE SAME THING!!! Your such a drongo!!! Or in the world renowned and known term….. your a NICE PERSON…aka FUCKWIT!!!

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    We Love Libraries

    There is only one way to get people to want to listen to you – speak about something that the person you are speaking to WANTS to listen to, especially talking ABOUT the person you are speaking TO 99.9% of people’s favorite topic is THEMSELVES! Go up to any one & say “I heard some really negative comments about you that someone was lying about what you believe in & they talked about how you make excuses & complaining all the time. The gossip I heard about you sounded really judgy” & they will all want to LISTEN to what you have to say. You’re welcome. Another pseudo-intellectual TED Talk clarified by the truth. You’re welcome. 😎

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    Софья Подольская

    I believe that if there was a top of the most exciting TED videos, this one would probably be the first.

    Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm not being listened to. Wondering why it happens I was getting doubt about my own ideas and their use. But this man made things clear. He helped me realize that the voice, our powerful instrument, is likely not being used as it should be. Following his simple advices in my daily life made me speak my mind distinctly. This feeling is amazing.
    Thank you so much.

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